by Farmer Elizabeth
My sister is good at thinking up marketing angles and she said to me recently, “Farming is the new sexy!” And I got to thinking that yeah, farming is damn sexy. Muscle, sweat and dirt… it doesn’t get much more alluring.
But sometimes when you’re juggling a busy farm schedule it can be hard to keep it sexy enough out there, so I developed this list of tips to help our fellow farmers keep it hot.
My sister is good at thinking up marketing angles and she said to me recently, “Farming is the new sexy!” And I got to thinking that yeah, farming is damn sexy. Muscle, sweat and dirt… it doesn’t get much more alluring.
But sometimes when you’re juggling a busy farm schedule it can be hard to keep it sexy enough out there, so I developed this list of tips to help our fellow farmers keep it hot.
1. Tan Lines
Make sure to wear the same length t-shirt sleeve day after day in order to get a really defined mid-bicep tan line. Also, wear shirts that are a little too short, so when you bend over to harvest your lower back is exposed. With this technique you’ll get a deep golden low-back tan that will really “pop” in contrast with your ghost white ass.
2. Crack Appeal
When you bend over to do anything – weed, harvest, pick up a tool – this is a great opportunity to show off your farmer crack. Wear pants that are a size too big so that you get a good display. It helps to forget your belt at home.
3. Fragrance
It gets hot out there, and nothing says “I’ve been working in the sun for 10 hours” like a little earthy body odor. Make sure to use natural deodorants that let your scent shine through.
4. Derma care
Skin is a universally sexy body organ, and there are many opportunities to maximize your skin’s appeal in the field. First, wear sunscreen, but only in patches rubbed on hastily at the beginning of the farm shift. This modeled burn look is all the rage right now. Secondly, hot afternoon winds are a great exfoliant. Expose as much skin as possible in order to maximize the wind’s drying effects. Finally, a thin layer of soil all over your face does wonders for your pores.
5. Muscle Tone
Having muscle definition all over your body is so… boring! Farmers need to show off the unique muscle tone that comes from field work. The lower back muscles developed from hours of hoeing are the sexy-equivalent of an abdominal six-pack! Also make sure to casually show off the sleek strength of your thumb and index finger developed from endless kale bunching. Take every opportunity to point out that you do have muscle definition, just not in the normal places.
So for reals now, all of these things occur out in the field, and the truth is that the work often doesn’t leave you feeling particularly good lookin’. Yes it’s hot and dirty, but not the way people usually mean when they put those two words together.
When you have a farm to run there’s just not time to sit around looking pretty. The sexy-farm-girl archetype is so completely ridiculous - a woman in cutoff jeans lounging in a hay pile and definitely not pulling her weight around the farm. I think not.
The upswing? I think our culture actually is progressing to the point where farming could be the new sexy, because the new sexy could be about becoming capable and strong and tackling life head on. It could be about working hard to accomplish something that seems impossible at the onset.
And the new sexy could definitely be about loving your body because of what it can do, not how it measures up to a airbrushed idea of beauty. My suggestion for women everywhere: less fashion magazines, more compost pile turning!
Fellow farmers, how do you keep it hot and bothered in the field? Share your tips in the comment section below.
When you have a farm to run there’s just not time to sit around looking pretty. The sexy-farm-girl archetype is so completely ridiculous - a woman in cutoff jeans lounging in a hay pile and definitely not pulling her weight around the farm. I think not.
The upswing? I think our culture actually is progressing to the point where farming could be the new sexy, because the new sexy could be about becoming capable and strong and tackling life head on. It could be about working hard to accomplish something that seems impossible at the onset.
And the new sexy could definitely be about loving your body because of what it can do, not how it measures up to a airbrushed idea of beauty. My suggestion for women everywhere: less fashion magazines, more compost pile turning!
Fellow farmers, how do you keep it hot and bothered in the field? Share your tips in the comment section below.
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